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Exerpeutic Exerwork 1000 Bike Desk

 

My physiotherapist suggested I get rid of my busted up old exercise bike and buy something better to use for my rehab. He says that doing three half-hour sessions of exercise bike per week can prevent almost all future knee injuries, short of a shark attack. So I figured I'd round up, commit to a full hour of pedalling every single day, and hopefully upgrade from miserable housebound lurching around to being able to deliver Chuck Norris-level spin kicks to imaginary bad guys in my living room within a few weeks' time.

But my time management issue remained. How the heck was I supposed to bike for an hour every day and still get some decent writing time to put some zombie mayhem on paper?

I found out that some Einstein-caliber genius somewhere had invented actual exercise bikes with integrated desks - meaning people could work out WHILE using their laptops! For time-pressed, moderately health-conscious, stuck-at-home workers such as myself, you can't really get anything more brilliant than this. Unless maybe somebody figured out how to integrate potties into dining room chairs, allowing you to multitask your entire consumption-excretion process, all at once.

Dinner parties might be a little awkward, sure. But think of all we could accomplish if we reclaimed that extra thirty-eight minutes of wasted bathroom time to play with every day! Facebook's stock price would probably fall off a cliff, however. How would anybody ever post meaningful status updates without their private daily throne time?

 

In any case, I now have a bike desk. I'm using it right now as I write these words. I absolutely love it. It's fantastic and has totally solved my main multitasking productivity problem. I can now be a writer AND be healthy at the same time, which I previously thought was impossible. Believe me. I've met plenty of writers. Most of us look about as healthy as the mangy, squawking, half-rabid seagulls you see flapping about in the parking lot behind McDonalds.

 

One small downside: given how fast I pedal while typing, you may notice an uptick in my typos... but that's a prrIce Ime wwwillinG two paiYe.

If you want to join my totally made-up bike desk revolution cult so you can also write, eat, read celebrity gossip, work (yawn) and/or play zombie killing video games while trimming off a few pandemic pounds, here's the model I bought - the Exerpeutic Exerwork 1000. If that model is out of stock, you could look for the Flexispot, or the Fitdesk instead - both are very similar to what I got. I mean, it's a bike with a desk on it. There can't be too many variations on the concept.

Keep in mind that for some unknown reason, much of the planet is stuck working at home these days. Just like puppies, toilet paper and video game consoles, in-stock exercise equipment can be hard to find (unless you're just looking for big, heavy rocks; you can still get those in most places). So keep checking. If you can't find a legitimate bike desk anywhere, maybe you can D.I.Y. by attaching some nasty old abandoned desk to an actual bicycle, and ride it around town, looking like a complete maniac. Just please don't tell the arresting officers I was the one who gave you the idea. I hear that indoor exercise bikes and aluminium crutches make terrible getaway vehicles.

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